How to Look Like a Cook

This isn't a "how to" blog. But it is a blog about my life, and this week in life I've spent a little more time than usual in the kitchen thinking "how to" thoughts. The kitchen is my favorite room in any house, and I love inhabiting it, whether I'm talking to people or actually cooking. Thanks to college, I don't participate in the latter at all frequently enough, especially considering it is one of my favorite things to do. However, what with Mum being gone this week, and being down 2 college classes before another starts next week, I've had a tad bit more time than usual, and more of an incentive: if I don't cook, my siblings and I don't eat.

So as I was cooking supper this evening, I started thinking (for some reason) about what makes a person look like a proficient cook. Note that the key word there is look like a proficient cook, not be a proficient cook. You don't have to be a proficient cook to look and act like one—which, by the way, consists of looking like you know what you are doing, and enjoying yourself at the same time. How does one achieve that, then? I came up with the following list. It will show you how to look like a proficient cook when you are actually semi-proficient (if you haven't reached the semi-proficient level yet—as in, cookie dough is still something that comes in pre-formed bricks and cheese is something that you squeeze out of a tube—then this won't help you much).

• Wear an apron. This makes it look like you practically live in your kitchen since you have special clothing to wear in it. It also makes you look relaxed, and like you are having fun. Plus, guys dig it. (If you are a guy reading this, go ahead and wear a [manly, as in, with carpenter pockets] apron too, but FYI I have yet to conduct a poll about whether or not girls find it attractive. No, I am not giving you my personal opinion).
• Be an olive oil and garlic fanatic. Throw these babies in the skillet often. They are your friends because they are so simple to cook with but scream "a proficient cook is in this kitchen!" The smell that diffuses throughout the house is so heavenly and aromatic, it makes it seem like you are cooking something super special—which you actually are, now that you are using olive oil and garlic.
• Keep a bottle or two of wine in plain sight. Even if you aren't going to cook with it, it adds to the atmosphere any proficient cook would have in their kitchen. If you aren't underage by multiple years like I am, go ahead and pour yourself a little glass and set it nearby. 
• Use a BIG knife. I don't care if you are chopping something that is small (like those garlic cloves)—it is a must that you use a big knife. It makes a cool, proficient sound as it slices your what-nots and hits the cutting board, in addition to making you look cool, proficient...and yes, slightly dangerous. It adds to the intrigue factor, which means more fun.
• Sniff your spices. At calculated moments, as time permits, open up your spice cupboard and take the caps off various spice jars, giving them a good sniff. A little pinky-tip-dip-and-lick isn't a bad idea either. This will make you look extra creative, since it will appear you are ad libbing. However, you do have to be careful—don't make it look like you have no idea what a certain spice smells/tastes like. 
• Include others. When you let your guests share in the fun that you are having, it will make them view you in a more proficient light as their mood improves with the social-cooking "high." In addition, if something does end up tasting bad, they won't say anything because they will think they might have been the ones who made the mistake.
• Make a mess. You should definitely clean up the mess quickly afterwards, but while you are cooking don't be scared to let ingredients selectively fly. The mess should really just serve to show off your attitude, which is hopefully a happy, insouciant one.   

So there you have it. Seven mostly tried and mostly true ways to make you look like a cook!