Mending

Lying around a lot, healing, does have some good consequences. Yes, it makes me think too much,  often in the wrong direction, and yes, the result is a post like the one previous (remind me not to write blog posts at quarter of six in the morning after only a few hours of sleep).

Yet, it also helps a person be thankful. Specifically, I'm thankful for two legs that, until now, have worked quite well for the duration of my life. Not being able to run races, not being able to go on walks with the family, not being able to dance to loud music as I'm putting away dishes, is difficult. However, there are millions of people who can't do any of that for the entirety of their lives. I'm dealing with a bum leg for no more than a few weeks, and though I think I'm a ways from running, dancing will come here pretty soon, and the walking thing is remedied. Today I was helping a neighbor clean their house before they move, and my knee put up with 3 1/2 hours of use including window washing, top-shelf dusting, and cobweb getting (I was the only one there over 5'4", so I got the jobs to match). I was quite proud of it (my knee, not my height). Though, I'll be more proud of it when it starts letting me clutch again. I've tried thinking it through, but I really don't see how I can drive a standard car with just one leg. Especially when I'm still not an amazing standard driver as it is, with two legs.

So, in the midst of discontentment and the ensuing self-pity (detestable thing), I've been trying to not just be more thankful, but also more hopeful. Also, focusing less on yours truly, less on what people think of yours truly, and more about the sovereignty of God and the grace that is here now and that will continue to come in the future.

There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear. Everything is jammed up and jelly tight.

Wait, actually—there are two things to worry about. First, of the trio of cacti that sit on my desk, I do believe one of them is dying. It's getting the right amount of water, and it has enough room and is planted in good soil; however I don't think it gets enough sun. My only window faces west, so it catches just a few rays before the sun sets. So when this cactus finally kicks the bucket, I'll have to get a new one.

The other thing I'm concerned about is that my mood is entirely weather dependent. Though that's really nothing new, my realization of it has been strengthened thanks to the haphazard weather this week. In the course of a day, it'll be sunny for a few hours, then stormy, then sunny again, stormy again...and when it's sunny I'm happy, but when it's grey I'm mopey. So I go through rather drastic mood changes all in the span of one day—at least mentally, on the inside. If I let it show verbally/physically Mom would be after me.