I'm worn out. Today I slept in until a quarter past eight, and aside from a brief walk up the road to pick the sweet peas that blossom by the highway, I haven't done much. It was a long week. Every week this summer has been long. My schedule at work is ideal - just four days a week, ten hours a pop - but any amount of time spent at work leaves me drained and I need the three days off to regain what bit of sanity I have. My method of coping with everything is running, but though it makes me less stressed, it also makes me really tired. So eventually I get to a day like today where I just crash.
Thankfully, it's a good kind of crash. A crash is a sign that life is moving forward, and that is exactly what I want it to do. Before summer even started I just wanted it over. Now, a month in, I'm still digging in my spurs and urging it onward. Usually, I want summer to last forever, but not so this year. Of course, this is the first summer where I've held a full time job so that might have something to do with it. Shame on me. But work has become a terror in the night. If it wasn't so this summer would feel quite a bit different.
While I'm there it's all I can do to keep a happy face on and not yell "I quit" at my boss. I've actually started praying my way through the work day - and I'm really bad at praying, only doing it as a last ditch effort so if I remember to pray for help from God you know somethin's up.
The amazing fact of the matter is I only have 3 weeks left working at the cafe. I almost am not sure I will make it three weeks, but the other amazing fact of the matter is I have a relationship with Jesus and He will quite literally get me through second by second. I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for Him.
Honest to goodness: I would have given up ages ago if I didn't have Italy to work toward. Ever since coming home I've talked about going back - probably driving people crazy in the process, especially since it's taken such a dang long time for the timing of money and school and internship to be right. Boom, though. It's all coming together and Liberty & Samuel & I are all working together to make it happen, despite the fact that I'm here, Samuel is in Italy, and LU is in Virginia. I'm so thankful serving at SBI will count as my internship. I get to do something I love - invest in people, give back to a school that gave me so much - and fulfill graduation requirements at the same time. I cannot wait to be back. To see Caitlin, and Samuel & Amber and Martin & Lydia and everyone's kids who will have grown up so much and Jesse and Jeryvee and the Pordenone church and just everyone. To continue a chapter of my life that has not felt finished. To just do life at SBI for another three months. I know it will be different, and I won't lie, I am a bit intimidated by some aspects of my internship. This is gonna be work and who knows what challenges I'll run into - but at least it's a work that is nearer and dearer to my heart than waitressing. I know God must have had some good idea when he plopped me at the cafe for a year and I'll agree with Him in faith, but it's much easier to agree that going back to SBI is a good idea.
Just three weeks left at work. 12 more days - or 120 hrs - of actually being there. And there's money that comes with that, along with intrinsic surprises and graces, like friends who walk past at just the right time when I'm on my 20 minute lunch break, or customers who tell me stories, or being friends with my coworkers.
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