When Everybody Dies and You Don't Get the Job

Three things are never satisfied; four never say, “Enough”: 

Sheol, 

the barren womb, 

the land never satisfied with water, 

and the fire that never says, “Enough.” 

Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand: 

the way of an eagle in the sky, 

the way of a serpent on a rock, 

the way of a ship on the high seas, 

and the way of a man with a virgin.

~ The Words of Agur

***************************************************************

I am no Agur—a sheer multitude of things I do not understand:

Why the stars line up so clearly along the dark horizon, and you jump from one to the other, gaining momentum and catching vision—

and then the very last star shoots away without you, its tail casting dust and embers.

*****

My professor is infertile, and she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for 5 years. A handful of years; 10 handfuls of doctor's bills, insurance drops, lifestyle changes, and surgeries. Finally, 12 weeks ago she became pregnant. The ultrasound the day before Thanksgiving showed the baby died at 8 weeks. My professor is still carrying the child, waiting for her body to naturally release its claim on the tiny life that was never hers to begin with.

Life is such a good thing. Why was it taken?

My friends' infant passed away in his sleep over Thanksgiving as well.

Again, life is such a good thing, why was it taken?

Why did the stars line up across the dark horizon, like beacons of potential, only to have the last star rocket off into eternity much too soon?

*****

Why, after so much paperwork and three interviews, and multiple confirmations that started back in July, and being so close to booking that flight, did I not get chosen to go to Myanmar and work on maternal&child health programs and preach the gospel with a big-time non-profit?

All the stars had lined up, and now I'm choking on comet fuzz.

I'll be choking all the way to the local Podunk public health department, where I'll be completing my internship, not setting myself up for an awesome career in global health and international missions.

If I was willing and able to go, why did He not let me go do a good thing?

*****

These three things are too wonderful for me:

My professor and her husband are taking joy,

My friends are taking joy,

I am taking joy.

What is this joy madness? 

Who am I becoming? 

Who are we all becoming?

Something greater than us,

than our stars, 

than Solomon,

is here.

{Forgive me for drawing any sort of parallel between the loss of young life and my, relatively innocuous, internship failure. The connection I'm seeing here is that God works in the lives of His people in surprising ways}