Coram Deo

I was going to have a fun time writing about everything that has gone on this week, from multiple 4th celebrations, to tons of friends, to fireworks, to more friends, to a fun day in Ithaca with the fam...

But it feels weird to now.

I found out that a friend of mine just died. Really wierd...they still don't know how it happened. They just found him in the kitchen. He was young, about 28.

And it's hard. I've only known Mike for less than a year, but at work he was the boyfriend of the physical therapist I worked under, so he came in a lot, and was pretty much our handyman. He worked out in the gym frequently too, so we got to know each other pretty well, and he was always watching out for me. We would joke a lot. Talk theology occasionally...he was really passionate about God. So I should be happy, really, because now he is where he is supposed to be. Where I am supposed to be. Where we are all supposed to be. But like I said, it's still hard. Just dealing with the fact that he is not in this world anymore. That his smile isn't here anymore.

It's also weird to be confronted by death like that. It makes you think about everything you've done recently, and question how much it matters, what its eternal weight is. At first, it has been hard not to think like a futilitarian. But as I've gotten over the shock, the whole thing has turned around and I realize how important everything is. How just about everything matters. I mean, yeah, on judgment day those ten minutes you spent obsessing over the blue shirt or the white shirt probably will be seen as waste...haha....but I think a lot of little things are a ton more important than we actually think they are. Brushing your teeth for instance. I could give you many reasons why brushing your teeth is of eternal value. I just don't feel like it right now so take me at my word.

So, as I've thought about it (and I don't want this to come off sounding the wrong way), I actually believe practically everything I'm doing right now is valuable. Though it should be that way for any Christian, whether they feel it's that way or not. From the fun stuff, like being with friends, to the hard stuff, like school, to the creative stuff, like writing poetry and novels and blogs, to the boring stuff, like doing the dishes. And yeah I sin and mess up all the time. But I think even my sin is valuable in its own way, because I try to learn from it, and it allows God's grace to be manifested in my life in a more tangible way. I don't want to sin, but God still get's glory when I do. Weird. Weird and wonderful.

So if I were to die right now, I would die knowing that my life was not futile. That no one's life is futile, actually. I think there is some bigger, awesome plan out there that we can't see, making every life worth living...didn't God see every life as worth dieing for? So, even if it seems kind of obvious to say so...I'll hammer it in. Life matters. Okay? And that saying I've kept in my proverbial pocket...that "I am born to die"...I'm ripping it up. Because I was born to live. Then to die. But you have to live first, if only for one beat of a heart. Even that one beat is of utmost importance. Those small rebellions matter. But maybe they're not as small as we say they are.

So Mike, thanks for living. Enjoy being before the face of God.