Re-Entry

Four years ago I watched Andrew walk down the road, out of the woods, the day after he had returned from Italy. I was standing at the window, and I remember wondering what he was thinking, what it would feel like to have all those adventures, and make so many friends, and visit so many places, and then, at the end of the three months, come back to a hill in rural Northern PA. The thought also crossed my mind that maybe I would go to SBI too, one day.

Four years later, I have been to Italy, and I know what it's like to come back. I'm not sure if I'm ready to put it into words yet, but I need to at least start sorting through it.

For one, saying goodbye at 5AM Monday, after staying up all night, was the hardest thing I have done in a very long time. Even though we will stay in touch, will see each other again, the chance that we will ever all get together at once is extraordinarily slim. Take just one person out of a group, and the dynamic changes. This side of heaven we'll never experience the same dynamic, the same mufti-faceted friendship, that we did while at SBI. That was what made leaving so hard. As to leaving Italy itself, I'm confidant I will be back one day; so though it did tug at my heart, and still does, it didn't rip my heart out like leaving the girls did.

The trip back is a blur, something that just had to be accomplished. The transatlantic fight went by really fast, for which I was thankful. I mostly just slept, listened to music, watched the sun dance on the tops of the clouds, and tried not to think about anything so I wouldn't cry.

After 19 hours of traveling, we landed in Elmira. Of course my family and the H's were there, but Karen and Chip&Colleen came too. That was a pleasant surprise. It was nice to be a part of one of those classic airport greetings, where there are millions of hugs being exchanged and little sisters that jump into your arms.

I was glad to get home, though, and climb up to my bedroom that smelled like daffodils and pine rafters, to crawl between the clean sheets and fall asleep missing everyone... My mind and body were both so shot by that point that I slept really solidly.

All of Tuesday, my first full day home, was very weird. I unpacked, did two loads of (free!) laundry, and generally spent the day in a fog. My grandparents came over for dinner, and they re-celebrated my 20th birthday (O, Balogna...).

Feeling utterly lost, today I tried to get my life post-Italy going. After getting woken up by jet lag at 5:30, I eventually drove into Mansfield to try and force my way into a job at Lowes. Technically I should have called first because the woman who wanted to talk with me ended up not being there.  So there will have to be a take two on that one. It was weird walking through the sliding doors at Lowes, though, because my brain lit up when it saw the small printed "entrada" in Spanish (it's the same in Italian). It took a moment for the English "enter" to register.

After that I went to Walmart to get some stuff, like a toothbrush and Reese's peanut butter cups. At the risk of sounding like a snob or someone who is overreacting, I seriously almost started crying in there. It was the antithesis of Coop or Tulipano or any of the random little markets I shopped at in Italy. I almost paid the cashier with the euro I hadn't had time to spend at the airports. Two good things did happen while I was there, though. First, the Reese's were only a dollar as compared to 3 euro. Second, just as I was walking out, I ran into Courtney. She's the first of my friends that I've seen since coming back (granted, I've only been home 36 hrs :P), but it was perfectly timed.

In one of the airports I had told Mik that I needed to do one of two things: climb in bed and sleep for a very long time, or go for a long run. I did the sleeping thing and it didn't help much, so I tried a run around the MU campus this morning. At the start, I could feel that muscle on the inside of my right leg that is still tight from playing soccer with Caitlin and Garrett a few days ago. It hurt, but it was like a souvenir, and kept me company as I choked on construction dust. I missed the vineyards. I missed Joy on my right and the Alps on my left. When I ended up with some boy behind me, mimicking my running style to make his friends laugh, it made me miss Joy even more because we both did that to runners in Italy.

Later, thoroughly worn out, head cleared, I grabbed an iced vanilla latte (yay for ice! other than that it was too milky and too sweet and I think the roasters burned that batch of beans [since when do I critique coffee? so weird]). Nicole was working behind the counter, like I was hoping she would be, so we got to compare our experiences in Italy a bit.


Finally, as I sat on a rock in the sun, I was able to put my finger on what exactly is wrong with me, besides a bit of culture shock and lots of missing people. Basically, the prediction I made back in January came true. I'm no longer rooted in with the maple trees...