The Cross Precedes the Crown

I've heard those words in the song "Valley of Vision" 10's of times before....and never really thought about them. Until now. This morning I was running, and listening to that and suddenly it really hit me. And they are so true. Think about it. The cross precedes the crown. To become high, we first must be low. Stuff like that is written all over the bible. To gain wisdom, one must first consider himself a fool. And those who say they are wise are the ones who are fools. To be first, you must be last. To have a position worth being proud of, you must be humble. To get something, you first must give until you've got nothing left. To be like Christ...one must be low. And like I said, there it is, all over the bible. And yet I can't seem to get it through my thick head! I always have to be on top--the one with the wittiest joke, the loudest, trying to get peoples attention. Everything I do has to do with trying to please people and being "cool". When what I should be worrying about is what God thinks of me. And then when I realize what God SHOULD think of me....I should feel like dirt. And yet He doesn't think I'm dirt even though I am. He says I'm worthy of His love. How can that be?? Because He is lowering Himself. He is humble enough to call us sinners His CHILDREN. Children of the most high. Its an extremely humbling thought...but a nice one, at the same time. Its a vicious circle though. Then I'm like "wait I don't want to be that low!" And then its a mad scramble for the top again. After a while the realization of my true lowness...the confession. Then back to the top again. For the millionth time. Like right now, I feel pretty low. But tomorrow......I'll be around other people and I'll want to be the best. Gain the most attention. What have we done that makes God love us the way he does? We don't deserve to breathe. And yet we do. I can't wait until heaven so that all the worldly distractions will be gone and I can spend....eternity.....giving Him all I'm worth. And it'll never be even close to enough....but it'll be all my human self (or whatever we'll be called up there) can do. And that will be enough for Him, even though its not. 

Our God is a God of love is he not? It was heart wrenching last night cause we watched a documentary called Obsession. It was about the Muslims/terrorists people who kill us because they think that is what pleases allah. It is estimated that 10-15% of all Muslims wish the Americans/British/Jewish were dead....and would die to make that happen. Anyways, the heart wrenching part....they showed real videos of little girls...8 years old probably....chanting poems and singing songs about how their purpose, their DESIRE, is to be killed killing US. And while one of them was singing this....she was crying. Not because she didn;t want to be singing what she was. No. She was crying with PASSION. She REALLY wanted to die killing because that was allah's greatest wish. How can that be? How I wanted to go tell her....wrap my arms around her....that there is a God out there who doesn't want her to die. He will love her. And care for her. He is a God of love...not of death...but life.